Today is my 35^th Birthday.  I've always had a hard time with Birthdays.  My friend Mike calls it overachiever's syndrome.  I spend the months leading up to my birthday evaluating my life.  For years, I burned with deep-seeded anger, fear, and anxiety.  I wanted so desperately to be more than my family raised me to believe I was worth.  No matter how much money I earned, how many possessions I accumulated, how many fancy restaurants I ate in or countries I visited, this issue of how to best measure self worth continued to nag at me. 

Each year –around my birthday – I would take stock of all my accomplishments and weigh them against my defeats and my unachieved goals – sort of like taking an SAT test on the value of one's soul.  Each year the test got harder.  The results of the checks and balances began to feel empty to me.  It was like looking at statistics with no analysis of their meaning.  Broader questions began to trouble my mind: Do accomplishments define one's self-worth?  Are we the sum of our experiences?  Is there more to the human condition than actions alone?

You see, it all boiled down to appreciation.  I've spent a long time feeling underappreciated.  For all the bridal showers, baby showers, engagement parties, milestone birthday parties, first birthdays, etc… That I have thrown or attended, my last birthday party took place when I turned 10.  My father died three weeks before my 17^th birthday.  My grandmother (whom I was very close to and practically raised me) died two weeks before my 30^th Birthday.

So, aside from the critical evaluation of my accomplishments, failures, and incompletes, along with my deed-seeded feelings of under appreciation, I faced the grief of losing two of the most important people in my life, my father and grandmother.

Well, this year became a milestone birthday for me. I see 35 as a mid-point in my life.  I have made the same critical analysis of my life.  However, I have embraced my so-called failures as evidence of humanity. I have changed my perspectives on the "incompletes," as they are working goals – something to look forward to and work toward – motivation – inspiration.  I have learned to step back and genuinely appreciate my accomplishments, but more – my current position in this life-long journey.  I guess you could say, I've learned to love myself as a whole person, not just the sum of my parts.

As for appreciation, well, thank you all, my dear readers J.  Your friendship and involvement in my life has really helped me re-connect with my own humanity in a genuine and honest way.   I began this blog at the beginning of 2007 as a means of expressing my love of cooking and food because my friends and family did not understand.  While they were supportive, they did not share my passion for cooking.  So, I started writing down my experiences and posting them here.  Slowly, you came – one-by-one – to read what I wrote.  Imagine my surprise when people actually liked it!!!!  For years, I enjoyed this passion in a vacuum, and suddenly people began reading and responding.  I was (and still am) so excited each time someone leave me a comment or shares their own food-related passions with me.  I love reading about your culinary experiments and adventures and cherish the sense of community we have developed throughout the year.

Some of you have become close, real-life friends too!  I have now met several of you in person, and each meeting has been a warm and wonderful experience surrounded by great food!

So, I'd like to take a moment to thank you all for being here, for reading my blog and being a part of my life, even if only to say hello once in a while.

It is because of all of you, that my birthday is joyous this year!  I am so happy – overwhelmed really – by all of the comments, and emails and well-wishes that you have sent me.  It's the first time since that party at 10 that I have really felt genuinely appreciated.

Thank you!

Now, for my birthday meals...  My brother came up from Brooklyn on Tuesday night and we went out for Italian food at Marcello's in Suffern. I have talked about Marcello's a few time now.  However, Chef Marcello comes from Abruzzi, Italy. His food is traditional to that region.  His wine list is almost completely Italian and the quality of the meal is outstanding.  It is truly a gem within the Hudson Valley.

My brother is not much of a wine drinker, so I had to pick something that wasn't to bold or tannic, or I'd end up drinking the whole thing alone.  So, despite the three Amarone de Vallapulecellas (sp?) that jumped up at me from the wine list, — screaming at me to drink them —  I chose a bottle of Barbara de Asti.   I adore the Barbara grape.  It is the perfect medium-bodied wine for an Italian meal.

We ate family style, sharing every course.  Our appetizers included a Sepia (stuffed cuttlefish) and an octopus.  Chef Marcello has a gift when cooking shellfish.  No matter how many times I order Scungili or octopus, it melts in my mouth.  He knows exactly when to take it off the heat so it is never rubbery, just delicious.

Newt, we had ½ orders of two different pasta dishes: Penne pasta with prosciutto, tomato,porcini mushroom truffle sause and parmigiano, and Mushroom ravioli with speck zucchini diced tomato parmigiano sauce.  The deep, hearty penne perfumed with truffle oil complemented the rich, creamy cheese and mushroom ravioli.

Tonight, my cousin Michele and I are going to the Dupuy Canal House, in Rosendale, NY.  I'll take pictures and report back.